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Wed, Jun. 22nd, 2005, 06:18 am

Oh well hasn't this been a festive week. First on Friday i wake up and see that the 'lost' i caved in my leg has healed over. Second on saturday got up early for my cousins birthday party.

Me and cady ,chelsea ,and stephanie had a good time playing with zach who is pricilla's son. I have a pretty family. All of the cousins are skinny pretty girls. Excluding me of course i'm hideous. Anyways I had to watch my perfectly pretty cousin pricsilla mack on her boyfriend.

While Hanna and her friedns talked about Chelsea ,Stephanie and ,me and how we were 'sooo gothic hehhe'. It wasn't so much her friends it was mostly hannah cause she's a bitch. ok let me get things straight. Hannah and Cady are sisters both my cousins. Hannah is 17 and Cady is 15. Chelsea is thier stepister along with DD who wasn't at the party.

Stephanie is Chelsea's friend as well as mine. Cady likes Hannah's friend Lauren and Ally. I like Tracy. I know what anyone who is reading this is thinking. I am not gay. Only bi.

Anyways everyone was outside of Pricillas apartment. It's a lot like mine ,but slightly different. Anyways Zach had gone to his dad and Hannah and her friends left. Lesslie and Amber (my other cousins) had left to got to Leslies dorm.

On the age list it goes

Priscila 20's
Leslie 20's
Amber 20's
Hannah 17
Cady 15
me 13

ok just clarifying that for you. (Elyssa) Anyways it was just me Cady Cheslsea and Stephanie. We were all watching tv ,and i was laying on the little couch when my aunt came in. We call her little Cindy she's Pricilla's step mother.

Anyways she was piss ass drunk so when she sauntered over to me i asked playingly 'are you a hobbit'. she started stroking my hair and i got uncomfortable. She started talking.

Then she started saying dirty nasty shit like "i want you ive always wanted you' and stuff so i stood up and every one was laughing. i kinda triped and landed on my back. I was holding a pillow from the couch on my chest.

She laied on top of me and started doing inapropriate things so i got up and locked my self in the bathroom. After a while i asked if she was gone no one answered so i came out. I went and sat on the big couch with everyone else taking up the smallestamount of space.

Little Cindy was still there. She started on Cady next touching her and stuff of course we fought back. Me and cady both eneded sitting on the small couch together both of us trying to fight off cindy. She just wouldnt get off.

We pushed and she started on cady again i started fighting for her hitting at cindy. Cady is a big girl mouch bigger than cindy and i guess cindy thought it was something sexual about me helping cady."Why are you helping cady are you in love with cady." that was when she 'slipped' and grabbed my boobs.


of corse i said hell no. Finally i got up and walked outside. When i came back in cindy was off in the corner and Cady and co were halled up on the couch. Cindy saw me and started coming twoards me i ran to the couch tripping again. Cindy sat on me grinding and she grabbed my ass squeezing it. I got sick to the stomach.

I kicked her akwardly and got up. we all gathered on the big couch agin chelsea still joking and holding up a pillow saying here jessica. Little cindy went after stephanie next grabbing at the crotch of her jeans. We all hit her off and then all four of us went outside. AS we walked we noticed Stephanie had her zipper undone. We sat at the play ground talking at trying to forget the expirence.

we went back later cindy came back and said. "ive been looking for you." she said. she started the crap again. Pricilla came in screaming at us.

we told her what was going on she went outside bringing all the others in.We all fought everyone else saying Cindy never did anything we were just sick freaks. i went and cried outside then cady and eand Chelsea and Stephanie went outside. We all talked my mom drove up and i went home. Then early this morning my mom woke me up bitching i need to fix her tv. s

She is on a walker because she had a car accident and broke her pelvis. i said no i was sleeping. She threw somehing at me giving me a bruise on my ankle. I went to my room and re carved in Lost.

I hope it heals by my birth day on July 17th. I was gonna have a party but then decided not to. it dont matter im gonna die anyways.

i hate my life. *runs away and cries* not really though

Fri, Jun. 24th, 2005 02:41 pm (UTC)
therosewilde

Lass, why are you carving Lost into your leg?

@-'-,----------

Fri, Jun. 24th, 2005 10:11 pm (UTC)
sawyersayidluv

BECAUSE THE NAMES ARE TOO LONG

Mon, Jun. 27th, 2005 10:11 am (UTC)
therosewilde

OK, let me rephrase that, "Why are you carving words into your leg?"

@-'-,---------

Mon, Jun. 27th, 2005 02:34 pm (UTC)
sawyersayidluv

i have emotional issues

Wed, Jun. 29th, 2005 09:36 am (UTC)
therosewilde

Don't we all chica? I see shit that ain't there, hear voices. No reason to take it out on your skin though. Enough people going to do that for you over the years.

@-'-,----------

Wed, Jun. 29th, 2005 02:31 pm (UTC)
sawyersayidluv

HAha me too i talk to my self and i always think someone is screaming at me. Plus every time i look in the mirror im positive someone's behind me.

plus i do know a lot about people abusing one another. I've seen it first hand and have been abused myself. I like my skin. I just think feeling it more often would be nice.

Sat, Jul. 2nd, 2005 08:05 am (UTC)
missdarksoul

carving lost into your leg? never done that. Have carved Fat and fat whore though lol. i ahve emotional issues too. Anyway that chick sounds creepy. Anyway the main point of be replying to your jorunal was to say i got your hidden connections ficathon entry and its written and voer at my journal. kinda suck and not what you expected I'd guess though

Sat, Jul. 2nd, 2005 08:11 am (UTC)
sawyersayidluv

no it was good i really liked it plus have carved DNR in my arm stands for do not resusitate hmm loved the story i think i replied anonmysly to it cant post in that com any more

Sat, Jul. 2nd, 2005 09:48 am (UTC)
missdarksoul

awww why can't you comment? comments make my world so much better :-P

Sat, Jul. 2nd, 2005 01:11 pm (UTC)
missdarksoul

commented to add do not resuitate. eep. I almost carved, turn the machines off into my leg once when I was like 15 lol i was od'ing and didn't want to be on the machines. i really don't recommened either of the Od'ing isn't fun. Oh and reading the comments. lol i don't hear voices much. my craziness is contributed by shitty child hood and BPD. lol Now i'm kinda worried about though even though i hardly know you, you seem like i was a 4 years ago

Sun, Jul. 3rd, 2005 04:16 am (UTC)
sawyersayidluv

I dont do drugs but my dad O'd when I was 6. I watched my mom try to cut her kneck open 3 days later. I had to stop her and hide the knifes. Plus have seen father kill a man.. Also have shitty child hood. Mother is now crippled cause car crash i have to take care of her. and she still beats me. *sighs*

Sun, Jul. 3rd, 2005 09:05 am (UTC)
missdarksoul

lol i don't do drugs. its a long complicated story lol

Sun, Jul. 3rd, 2005 10:40 am (UTC)
sawyersayidluv

once me and my friends were getting drunk and high and i got a head ache and took some asprin then i passed out cause liquor and asprin are a bad mix.

Also at the end of the year dance my friend Elyssa and I took some of her medication and the drank some Boones Farm before the dance it was crazy.

then we drank the rest on the walk back to my house. We also stole this huge paper mache die from the school and it had spicy peanuts and painted lima beans.

wse ate the lima beans and cooked the peanuts. Yes i did write it correctly me and her are just wierd

Sun, Jul. 3rd, 2005 02:44 pm (UTC)
missdarksoul

lol I so never drink. I know too many alcholics to be able to drink alot. lol I don't really take meds or get high and shit. I od'ed a lot a few years back for a reason not relating to suicide or getting high. lol like i said its a long complicated story

Sun, Jul. 3rd, 2005 02:52 pm (UTC)
sawyersayidluv

hahhahha i talked to you twice at a time. Magic MAgic

sleep is elusive so i am re reading fanfiction

*like your icon* Eats it

Sun, Jul. 3rd, 2005 03:01 pm (UTC)
missdarksoul

mmmi love eating icons. I'd love it if they released lost cake things. you know that eatble stuff they put on cakes which is usally white with a picture on it? i'd love a naked sawyer one!! mmmm

Sun, Jul. 3rd, 2005 03:10 pm (UTC)
sawyersayidluv

*drool* naked sawyer. mm. Naked Jack. naked jack and sawyer. touching and mmmm *nc-17*